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Zen

5 January 2010 41 Comments

Marriage is a great institution; but who wants to live in an institution?”

My husband is currently traveling and will be gone a total of 3 weeks.  I am 4 days into it.

With him away, there is no chaos. My house is organized and cleaner than it’s been in ages. (And here I thought it was my son that created the disorder and mess!). No one runs late. My son hops into the shower with no arguments. I go to sleep at a 9:30 instead of my usual midnight.

Music is played instead of the perpetual sound of the television. Dinner is easy because my son and I are both okay with whatever concoction we come up with.  Last night we finely dined on homemade waffles with bananas and strawberries. Laundry is folded and put away, right away. The laundry room that needed painting was painted, finally. 

Today, the garbage truck picked up 8 large bags of garbage from the front of my house. How’s that for cleaning things out? And to top that, the garbage can didn’t sit laying on the ground for days after the garbage is collected.

I know its only been 4 days, but the overall energy in this house is just DIFFERENT. There’s a zen thing going on here. I can even see it in the way my son behaves.

I don’t think it’s so much about my husband as about having another adult in the house.  Each person likes things done a certain way. Each person has their own set of expectations and needs. With one adult in the house there is no waiting for someone to handle something, because it’s all on you. And I find it was less exhausting and less stressful this way.

However, ask me my feelings again on this when I am 19 days into his trip.  I’m sure I will be craving adult company, intimacy and a break from being supermom/taxi driver/doctor/entertainment director/chambermaid/working woman/painter/garbage person.

Maybe.

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41 Comments. Click to leave one of your own!

  • January 5 2010 at 4:51 PM Lindsey said:

    I sometimes think what it would be like to have my husband gone for a few days and I figure it would be exactly like this! I find myself always thinking that he will do something {which he doesn’t} and then it never gets done. But if I am the only one to do it I bet it would be a fantastic feeling. But dont tell him that!
    .-= Lindsey´s last blog ..TWO!! =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 10:15 PM

    Your secret is safe with me!

    [Reply]

  • January 5 2010 at 5:01 PM existentialwaitress said:

    Nancy, I can completely relate to this. I love my husband, I really do, but things are just CALMER and more crap gets done when he is gone. I eat what I want without compromising (not that I’ve ever eaten it, but there’s no scrapple), the house is clean, and the kids aren’t all wound up constantly. I do enjoy our family time and wouldn’t trade it for the world, but man is it nice to have a break sometimes!
    .-= existentialwaitress´s last blog ..Stop the Insanity! =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 10:20 PM

    Just tough getting a “mommy break” in though. FInally getting some now after a solid 15 hour day. Ugh.

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  • January 5 2010 at 5:01 PM Lee the Hot Flash Queen said:

    How ARE you?? Zen is good. I could use some zen, instead I have puke.
    .-= Lee the Hot Flash Queen´s last blog ..How many men does it take to turn a pilot light off? =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 10:21 PM

    I’m hanging in there and doing pretty well! Hope you are too!

    [Reply]

  • January 5 2010 at 5:43 PM blueviolet said:

    You truly are the master of the domain right now and that is always a welcome change when it happens. My husband’s presence is welcome but he truly does throw the entire flow off.
    .-= blueviolet´s last blog ..Igor =-.

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  • January 5 2010 at 5:57 PM amie
    @ on twitter.
     said:

    I know exactly how you feel. My husband has been commuting over the last year so I have this routine during the week that I would equate to zen work. We do the routine and what needs to get done gets done and there is no “what are we going to have for dinner?” discussions and I do the laundry my way and the table doesn’t get all cluttered up with stuff and there are no dirty socks laying around for the baby to pick up and no constant drone of sports television. And then by Friday and I can’t wait for him to get home.
    .-= amie´s last blog ..This Place is Getting Too Small Already (And I Might Be Fat) =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 10:27 PM

    A break would be nice. These constant 15 hour days are KILLERS!

    [Reply]

  • January 5 2010 at 7:24 PM Beth said:

    Sounds like paradise. At least for a few days.

    [Reply]

  • January 5 2010 at 7:41 PM Joe said:

    I’ll be alone for 7 days when my wife goes away on business next week. I’m not sure what to expect being alone for so long, since I haven’t done so in a very long, long time. It’s funny that you posted about this, it gave me some interesting thoughts about my future week.
    .-= Joe´s last blog ..The Big Two Six =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 10:31 PM

    Good luck to you during your 7 days. Should be interesting, huh?

    [Reply]

  • January 5 2010 at 8:37 PM dg at diaryofamadbathroom said:

    I know the feeling. There are ups and downs to both sides of that coin.
    .-= dg at diaryofamadbathroom´s last blog ..No Pioneer Woman, I =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 10:35 PM

    Tis very true.

    [Reply]

  • January 5 2010 at 8:53 PM That One Mom
    @ on twitter.
     said:

    That’s so crazy. I bet your son is loving the one on one time. I just can’t imagine things being calmer with less adults. I’m a bit jealous. Wish my home could “come together” like that
    .-= That One Mom´s last blog ..You Can Stick It! =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 10:35 PM

    It’s early in the single parent thing. I can see it all falling apart pretty quickly around day 12.

    [Reply]

  • January 5 2010 at 9:45 PM terena said:

    my hubby was away for two weeks last summer and although I did miss him after a while, I too found the house so much calmer and organized without him. I realized just how much I defer to him, so when he got back I tried to hang on to a little more of what I want in the house. It’s been working pretty well, although I’m still amazed by how much room he takes up.

    [Reply]

  • January 5 2010 at 10:18 PM Mom of Three
    @ on twitter.
     said:

    I just wrote a post TODAY about my husband taking my best towels to rescue a bird that fell from a tree. They are so clueless!!!

    And I totally agree with you on the multiple adults under one roof thing.

    My husband will go through bouts of massive cleanups. While I need to do small pickups daily to maintain a clean house, and order. See the clash?

    Somehow we have found compromise over the years, but then again… some days the compromise is just not enough! :-)

    I love that you and your son like to be in the kitchen together. And your dinner sounds heavenly!

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 10:41 PM

    My husband is a “stacker”. He cleans by piling things up neatly in corners. The walls were closing in……………

    [Reply]

  • January 5 2010 at 11:56 PM arizona mamma said:

    Big sigh. I wish I could get my act together. With our without my husband, my house is chaos! 11 year old, near 3 year old and 1.5 year old all seem to suck the zen right out of me!
    .-= arizona mamma´s last blog ..Post it Note Tuesday…My First! =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 10:42 PM

    It would suck the zen out of me too!

    [Reply]

  • January 6 2010 at 12:37 AM Lauren
    @ on twitter.
     said:

    Yup-that doing things your own way is a great energy…for a while :)
    .-= Lauren´s last blog ..Horray For Bloggywood =-.

    [Reply]

  • January 6 2010 at 1:08 AM 38traci
    @ on twitter.
     said:

    Wow! You go girl. I used to be without my husband four days a week, every week. This went on for a couple of years. And in some ways, it was miserable. But I do know what you mean. I had a rhythm going when he was gone and as hard as it is to admit, he messed with that rhythm. There is an expediency to being the driving force in the house. It’s okay, though, if you don’t feel so great about its next week. :-)

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 10:47 PM

    After an exhausting day like today…I can appreciate a partner.

    [Reply]

  • January 6 2010 at 1:20 AM noelle said:

    i am absolutely connecting to your post. i feel the same way when my husband is gone to work…and you know what? i like it. so much so that i resent when he comes home. i like my freedom, the fact that the house stays clean, and that i don’t have to cook a 3 course meal if all we want is cereal or macaroni and cheese. zen is right. i’m thinking about keeping my zen and booting the husband.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 10:48 PM

    I LOVE my freedom! There has to be a good way to get a healthy balance.

    [Reply]

  • January 6 2010 at 3:41 AM Niki said:

    It’s like that in my home too when my husband is gone. The house is a little cleaner, there’s much less stuff lying around, and we can eat whatever we want for supper. He would never be okay with pancakes for supper.
    .-= Niki´s last blog ..Sleep, how have I frighted thee? =-.

    [Reply]

  • January 6 2010 at 11:54 AM Jane said:

    My sister’s husband served in Iraq last year and she was dreading it (for obvious reasons). But she found out, just like you, the joy in having one less person to take care of and how it affects your every day life. Enjoy the zen for what it is – because I think your prediction is right – there WILL be a downside to him being away! You just haven’t had the chance to experience it yet.
    .-= Jane´s last blog ..Two Dudes And A Mom – A Very Grateful Mom =-.

    [Reply]

  • January 6 2010 at 11:57 AM Tracie
    @ on twitter.
     said:

    I definitely relate to the bedtime portion of this. When my husband is gone for a few days, my daughter is in bed and asleep at 8:30. No drama, no problems. But when he is home he is always letting her stay up “just a little bit” and then getting frustrated when she isn’t asleep. I try to tell him that he can’t have it both ways, but so far he doesn’t get it! :)
    .-= Tracie´s last blog ..-Psycho Pills and My Husband =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 10:52 PM

    Kids learn very quickly how to play off of each parent! Yet it takes forever for them to learn how to pick up after themselves. Go figure.

    [Reply]

  • January 6 2010 at 12:29 PM jingle said:

    good morning:

    fancy,
    fantastic,
    and funny,
    That’s YOU!

    Elegant Post.
    Enjoy yourself.
    .-= jingle´s last blog ..2010 little Mittens Fit 1005 Cute Kittens! =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 10:58 PM

    Thank you!!! You talented girl you!

    [Reply]

  • January 6 2010 at 12:45 PM Naomi said:

    I’m still so dependent on my hubby to give me a break from the tiny ones here that I’m not quite there yet. Although, when he comes home super late from work, which is often, it’s nice to eat random crap that I throw together out of the fridge rather than worrying about having an acceptable dinner. Not that I really serve acceptable dinners anyway. But I kind of try. Sometimes.

    [Reply]

  • January 6 2010 at 2:24 PM Lauren
    @ on twitter.
     said:

    Enjoy your moments of Zen. Can totally understand. My husband is home today, which makes it more difficult to write. He’s not a big fan of my blog. I’ve been looking for a job, and he thinks I’m goofing off when I write. I’m just efficient and finish business-related items first. Wow. I never thought I’d see the words, “just efficient,” follow the word, “I.”
    .-= Lauren´s last blog ..Snaking the drain and other erotic half-truths. =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 10:59 PM

    Men. Can’t live with em. Can’t shoot em. Or something like that.

    [Reply]

  • January 6 2010 at 2:29 PM HeatherLynn said:

    If i’m living in an institution…it better have padded walls and “the good drugs”…

    that’s all i’m sayin…

    ~hl~

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 11:01 PM

    No need to say more :)

    [Reply]

  • January 6 2010 at 3:00 PM Nancy Campbell said:

    I can so relate…it’s easier. Yet, you miss him.
    .-= Nancy Campbell´s last blog ..Ladybug =-.

    [Reply]

  • January 6 2010 at 5:51 PM Unknown Mami said:

    I need a vacation from my husband right now.
    .-= Unknown Mami´s last blog ..The Useless Psychic is in! =-.

    [Reply]

  • January 6 2010 at 9:44 PM Gibby said:

    My husband travels a lot and I have my good days and my bad days. Our house is definitely cleaner and things do run more smoothly. Sometimes when he gets back, I find that it takes us a while to mesh again. One thing that does get old? No adult conversation at the dinner table. I mean, really, I can only hear so much about the 3rd grade social drama!
    .-= Gibby´s last blog ..I’m Done =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : January 6th, 2010 at 11:07 PM

    I can relate on the adult conversation portion. Completely!

    [Reply]

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