The Very Un-Mom Side of Me
You’ll either have more respect for me after reading these, or think I’m a complete disaster. I am guessing I may lose a few followers after this post.
1. I like to sleep naked. I just love the feeling of the cool cotton sheets on my skin. I don’t get to practice this one much anymore, because my son’s 9 and I just feel it’s not appropriate. The other weekend, my husband was traveling for work and my son slept at my parents for the night. I slept in a little bit and was woken up by my son and dad. They were standing right next to my bed. Yes, I was naked. And yes, I’m still mortified.
2. When I have a girl’s night out, my significant other will send me little texts. They are usually sexual in nature and are supposed to entice me to hurry home. I love them and it’s fun to flirt with him like that after so many years together. However the downside to texting is that if you have spell check many words are not recognized. Sexual words included. So it’s hard not to laugh when some of them arrive. For instance: “Can’t wait to ‘blah, blah, blah’ your clot“. Clot? It’s only one letter off from the correct spelling, but hysterically incorrect, especially after a nice glass of wine.
3. I am a notorious klutz. But a fashionable klutz at that. One morning during rush hour, while working in NYC’s garment center, I fell right there on Broadway. Apparently I missed the fact that there was a curb to walk up and I landed on my knees in the middle of masses of people. One woman helped me up. Heel broken, torn stockings, bloody knees. Head over to my office building and get in the elevator. Same woman is there too. Off the elevator and into my actual office. Same woman is there too. Same woman? My 8:30 AM appointment with the new Bloomingdale’s buyer. The funny part of this is…..she did buy from me. We are now friends, even 20 years later. And she will never let me forget that I am a massive klutz.
4. I really don’t drink very well. If I have more than two glasses of anything…I start to lisp. So rather than sounding like a 45 year old Cindy Brady, I keep things to two drinks or less.
5. I had a difficult time in conceiving. Right after my second IVF, my mom came to stay with me for a couple of days, because I had to be on bed rest and my husband was traveling for work. Loved her staying with me. She did my cooking, laundry and housekeeping. Who wouldn’t love that? When I was allowed to get out of bed finally, I attacked putting away the laundry. My mom had neatly folded some lingerie for me. I had to laugh. Good grief. How do you look your mom in the face after she’s folded your black lace bra and thong?
Okay, that’s enough for the dignity loss post…
I think this post made me love you even MORE! I was laughing and nodding all the way through. These things don’t make you an un-mom, they make you a *cool* mom
Sarah @ This Heavenly Life´s last blog ..Don’t You Love It
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Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 20th, 2009 at 8:40 PM
I wrote this post, hit piblish and ran out to work at football practice for the next 2.5 hours. I fully expected to come back and see “no comments” and possibly fewer followers. I am really shocked (and happy) to see that I’m not alone in some of these things
Thank you, thank you!
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Love it!
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@That_One_Mom on twitter.
said:
So not un-mom, just very woman!
I love sleeping naked and get the luxury on Friday and Saturday nights after work…
I can’t even tell you how often I walk into things or fall down, completely sober.
I LOVE everyone after three drinks. I don’t limit myself if I’m not driving, so I can be VERY lovey. Hahahaha!
That One Mom´s last blog ..Plenty of Fish My Ass…
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Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 20th, 2009 at 8:41 PM
Oh, I envy you on being able to count on sleeping naked. Nights like that are so few and far between for me!!
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That’s it! I’m unfollowing you now!
JUST KIDDING… you’re awesome! And I loved this post! #3 is hilarious… and how fun that you had that kind of a job! And sleeping naked is great… although I NEVER do it anymore… with all the constant waking up at night, it just wouldn’t work anymore!
Loukia´s last blog ..I’m one very "Scary Mommy"
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 20th, 2009 at 8:46 PM
It was pretty funny, really. She won’t admit it, but I KNOW she told every human alive about it.
Have you ever seen the movie “Devil Wears Prada”? Somthing tells me you either love it or would love it.
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@hrtsmakefamily on twitter.
said:
Ok you scared me when I first started reading this one. Only to find out that you are a human mother. I loved it all. I found myself nodding every couple of minutes. In fact, I got to wondering if you were perhaps my twin that I didn’t know exists.
Tami´s last blog ..Magical Moments For Tuesday
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 20th, 2009 at 8:47 PM
I’m so glad you can relate to it all. It’s nice to know I am possibly, normal!
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Oh wow… I agree with everyone else. This post made me adore you even more! Those were great. How neat about the “bloomingdale’s buyer”, sometimes things are just meant to be.
And I am the President of the Klutz Klub… we have openings, if you’d like to join
You’re a wonderful woman! Thanks for sharing
Michele´s last blog ..Liz Beans Part deux
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 20th, 2009 at 8:51 PM
I’d love to join!!!! Just don’t gie me anything to carry, especially liquids. I’m the worst with those!
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I can understand the sleeping naked. I don’t do it because I’m always freezing!!!
I feel sorry for you with your mid-street tumble. I’m glad someone took pity on you.
blueviolet´s last blog ..Return on Sunday with a Cheery on Top
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You didn’t lose any point in my book! Like you, I’m a total klutz and can’t handle much liquor. Loved the Cindy Brady reference.
Beth´s last blog ..Thoughts while running
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Everybody needs an un-mom side. We’re not robots, we are women with friends and flaws and black lace underwear. I certainly have my unmom moments AND my un-employee moments AND my un-wifelike moments. If my employer ever heard the potty talk and insanity that comes out of my mouth, I’d be fired on the spot (hence I blog anonymously). It’s nice to lead a double life. It’s certainly never boring.
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 20th, 2009 at 8:57 PM
Amen. I love your un-everything posts….keep em coming! I won’t tell a soul.
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Ah, yes. I love you for this post. Talk about a klutz, and a professional moment, with alcohol, all in one instance … I once fell flat on my face at a bar after an office holiday party. Smack in front of my brand new boss!
Andrea´s last blog ..My favorite things!
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 20th, 2009 at 9:06 PM
MAJOR giggles from your klutz moment. You win on that one for sure!
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This was hysterical! Can you look your dad in the face yet? (LOL, I am still laughing at that one and the texting stuff…) Way to go and welcome to the Human Race mom!
susan´s last blog ..Life is funny…
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 20th, 2009 at 10:09 PM
lol, the dad thing? He tried so hard to be cool about it. The three of us went to a diner for breakfast afterwards and finally I said “big changes since the last time you changed my diaper, huh?” Funny stuff.
And the text? I about died laughing while I was out and saw that. My girlfriends still laugh about that one.
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Lol. This post is great. I love it. I used to sleep naked too but not anymore. Somewhere a long the way I decided I didn’t feel right doing that anymore. I have no idea why!
JosiahsMommy´s last blog ..Things I Never Thought I’d Say
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 21st, 2009 at 8:45 AM
I felt the same way too because of my son waking up and climbing into bed with me. It’s such a treat when I know he’s not around.
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@thinkspin on twitter.
said:
Great post. I love the texting. That’s great. It’s way more exciting than e-mail and please pick up milk or get the mail. Klutz is my middle name. I’ve fallen in slush and snow in the city, did a header after tripping over my dog (not the bitch), and have bruises on my thighs and legs from walking into tables and door frames. I have a problem with spatial relations. Love to sleep nude but not during the winter or in air conditioning. Then I usually wear three layers of clothing in the house because I’m always cold. My toes turn a weird color when I’m barefoot. I’ll stop there.
Lauren´s last blog ..Vending Machine Vices – Condoms and Candy Bars
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This just makes me like you more.
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Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 21st, 2009 at 9:27 PM
Awww..thank you!!
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I loved the post!!!! Its great when a mom writes about herself and takes a break from the kids. I loved it! this makes me like you more and not “un”follow you!
areeba lakhat´s last blog ..Banning the Word "TIRED" for One Week!
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 21st, 2009 at 12:57 PM
Thanks, Areeba! That made me smile!
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@trinmom on twitter.
said:
Hmmm… I’m thinking this might be my favourite post of yours! Lol. I feel like I’ve gotten to know you a lot better!
I am still laughing (literally. like tears.) at hubby’s text. Oh that is really funny.
I USED to be the clumsiest person ever. Really. And I hated it. I used to be so embarrassed. I was dating this guy who was just really athletic – he’d try a sport he’d never tried before and be GREAT at it. And here I am can’t get out of a chair right, or miss a step on the stairs… He knew I hated it, and one day he told me. You’re clumsy because you expect yourself to be. And you’ve gotten used to people expecting you to be. Just believe in yourself. Well. I tried it. Turns out I really was just so used to being told I was clumsy when I was younger in my gawky lanky teenage years, that I still believed it. Funny though – the clumsiness had a way of getting people to show their true nature. As I guess was the case with your Bloomingdale’s friend.
Mom of Three´s last blog ..Settling down to business
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Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 21st, 2009 at 9:05 PM
I wish you could have been there when I got that text. I could NOT stop laughing. Funny, funny, funny!!
I find being clumsy…charming
[Reply]
Mom of Three
@trinmom on twitter.
Replied on : October 21st, 2009 at 9:42 PM
You thought you might lose followers – look at how many comments this post got! Isn’t it always like that? This might be my fave post of yours, just because of how many times it made me laugh!
Mom of Three´s last blog ..Thank you!
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I love it!! I have an award for you, over at my place
Christine´s last blog ..What He Wants!
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Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 21st, 2009 at 9:07 PM
Thank you so much, Christine!!!! I am truly honeored! Heading over to visit you now
xoxo
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I love it! Lists of wacky things are my favorite! I sleep naked too have no shame! If you read my latest entry you will see that I’m a closet accidental shop lifter, and once, my mom upacked a vibrator when she was helping me move…now that was embarassing!
Amy´s last blog ..Just for Me
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Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 21st, 2009 at 9:09 PM
Okay, the vibrator tops my lace thong. I once traveled with a girlfriend and security pulled her vibrator out of her carry on. I couldn’t help but laugh at that.
What did you mom do/say?
[Reply]
Amy
Replied on : October 22nd, 2009 at 11:09 AM
She just held it up and said “I thought that someone so young and recently married wouldn’t need one of these!” and my sister almost died of embarassment (she was there too making it doubly horrifying)
Amy´s last blog ..Just for Me
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Just found your blog and LOVE IT! New Follower!! The naked story is hilarious!!
Lee the Hot Flash Queen´s last blog ..Why is it Wednesday?
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 21st, 2009 at 9:11 PM
Thank you Lee!! I’m headed over to visit you too!
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What a great post! I love honesty, even when it may not be something people want ot hear. I just started following you and I love your blog!
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 21st, 2009 at 9:42 PM
Thank you Shannon! Glad you found me. I’m on my way to come visit you!
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Too funny. Hubs and I usually sleep naked too. Kids are only 6 & 2 though… we don’t have much time left to enjoy this luxury.
And the texting! Killed me!!
cristin´s last blog ..Random Tuesday Thoughts: While I Ignore My Children
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 21st, 2009 at 9:55 PM
Enjoy it while you can!! It’s such a luxury to me now.
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you have a really fun blog!@ Love the set up
Priscila
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I love reading these inside tid bits about people. That is sweet you and your hubby text each other. And I’m just like you. 2 drinks and I’m done.
Momisodes´s last blog ..A stitch in time just wastes it
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These are pretty tame, so you’re safe with me! I am such a clutz if my husband doesn’t hear a crash at whatever end of the house I’m in, he’ll come looking for me, checking to see if I’m alright! The only one I couldn’t relate to was sleeping in the nude….I like the feel of cotton sheets, a lot, esp if they are crisp and newly changed, but I feel too vulnerable alacart, and we have too many cats on the bed……
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I’m just relieved to read that you’re human like me! Before this post I thought you were the perfect, unattainable Blog Goddess. I’m sighing a sigh of relief right now – and I love you even more!
Jane´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Family History
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 21st, 2009 at 9:59 PM
I am so far from perfect, it’s not even funny. Wait…it is funny
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When I read about #4 and your lisp, I laughed so hard that spit came flying out of my mouth! Great post
-Jen
NathanRising´s last blog ..Children Denied Insurance for Being “Too Fat” or “Too Skinny”
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 22nd, 2009 at 1:57 PM
Glad I could provide you with a laugh
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@mommywords on twitter.
said:
Oh I am laughing so hard! You worry too much about losing us – I love your posts and your blog and the fat that you put it all out there – clots and all! You rock Nancy.
I used to sleep naked but not anymore – alwasy cold for the last 5 years. I am a HUGE Klutz. I should have added that to my scary body post. Pregnant with veins all over my boobs and bruises all over my arms and legs. Super sexy over here!
I wish my hubby texted. He falls asleep shortly after the kids if I go on a girls night. Man these kids really tire him out!
Like you, more than 2 and I am down for the count, but IF dear husband can get me home in one piece I would say 3 gets my frisky on! I know you needed to know that!
I might steal this idea (with cred to you of course) except it might really scare my readers after my scary mommy post!
Brittany at Mommy Words´s last blog ..Six Ways to Scary
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 22nd, 2009 at 2:01 PM
I’m going to head over and read just how scary you are just as soon as the son I let stay home for school because of a (fake) stomach ache gives me a realy breather.
And as for scary, I doubt you are scary at all!
I could be frisky on 3 drinks..but I just have to keep my mouth shut!
Steal away! I like that all of us inspire each other!
[Reply]
magda
Replied on : November 26th, 2009 at 8:09 AM
I agree. 3 is the lucky number. I hope to revive the un-mom side of me one day and then report it with a fraction of your dignity and wit. It took me more than a minute or 2 to decode your clot. After substituting a number of letters in different places, I am almost sure I know what you are referring to. Only it is mind boggling to think that this term would be part of any dialog of yours.
Keep the surprises coming. Enjoy your turkey.
xoxo
magda´s last blog ..H.S.
[Reply]
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by If Evolution Works and If Evolution Works, Mommy Words. Mommy Words said: RT@ifevolutionThe Very Un-Mom Side of Me http://bit.ly/1pb0Ky She's so funny! [...]
That’s great stuff…
When I have more than a glass or 2 of wine, I start breaking out the a Southern Drawl…and I’m from Boston. No idea where it came from.
LZ @ My Messy Paradise´s last blog ..Readers’ Favorites: Crock Pot recipes
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 24th, 2009 at 11:30 AM
That would be funny to witness!
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I was laughing so hard at that terrible image of your dad and son standing over you! And I can one you better on the Mom part! My mother was watching our son for us after she retired and would come over very early in the morning before I went to work. One morning as I’m rushing to get out the door, I catch her sliding into our bed and I’m like “Whoa!! You can’t just lay in our bed!” She looked at me like I was crazy and asked, “Why not?” With a sweeping motion of my arms over the bed I said, “Marital Bed Mother!” You never did see a 50something year old jump quite so fast!!
Blupoetres´s last blog ..The Dreaded Sex Talk!
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 25th, 2009 at 8:36 PM
haha! Love the description of your arms too. How funny that must have been.
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we are long lost sisters.
i swear, except for sleeping naked (because i have fears of spiders crawling into my…ya know) i could have written this post!!
dying laughing!!
melissa´s last blog ..The Post You Might Have Been Waiting For. Answers To Some Of Your Childrens Pressing Questions, Pt.1. And Yes, There May Be A Part 2. I’m Sorry?
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 25th, 2009 at 8:51 PM
We ARE sisters. I have a fear of spiders in bed too. What I do is tuck the covers under my body. How funny.
[Reply]
melissa
Replied on : October 25th, 2009 at 9:00 PM
me too!! i tuck the part that would hang over the bed, around my body!!
melissa´s last blog ..Just Because Kings And Queens Can Be Cultured, It Doesn’t Mean They Have Any Class. Except For The Reigning Queen And Her King, Of Course
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 25th, 2009 at 9:10 PM
Okay then here’s one you’d appreciate. On my honeymoon, we went to Tahiti. Got to the first island and I was skeeved out by the geckos all over the place. Pulled our bed away from the wall, because I was afraid one would sneak into bed.
I wake up around 3am because I kept hearing a clicking sound. I turn the lights on and there is a CRAB climbing up the wall where the headboard would have been if we hadn’t moved the bed. Could YOU sleep after that one?
[Reply]
melissa
Replied on : October 25th, 2009 at 9:15 PM
no. ew. yuck. could you imagine??? i can’t top that one except for the cockroaches the climbed the walls when i worked at camp. after i discovered them, i never slept well there again.
melissa´s last blog ..Just Because Kings And Queens Can Be Cultured, It Doesn’t Mean They Have Any Class. Except For The Reigning Queen And Her King, Of Course
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 25th, 2009 at 9:18 PM
LOL! So let me guess. Camping in an actual isn’t in your top 10 things to do?
[Reply]
melissa
Replied on : October 25th, 2009 at 9:23 PM
it’s not even in my top 100!! i’ll take a nice HOTEL. thank you very much
melissa´s last blog ..Just Because Kings And Queens Can Be Cultured, It Doesn’t Mean They Have Any Class. Except For The Reigning Queen And Her King, Of Course
@MandaBlogsAbout on twitter.
said:
I wasn’t sure what to expect when I clicked on this one, I can’t believe you thought that you might lose followers, I think most any one of us could’ve written a post just like this, mine would be much, much worst so don’t worry.
amanda peel´s last blog ..Sunday Meme
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 25th, 2009 at 8:54 PM
Okay, let’s see your worst!
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amanda peel
@MandaBlogsAbout on twitter.
Replied on : October 25th, 2009 at 9:20 PM
I don’t know – I think that I really will lose some followers ;P
amanda peel´s last blog ..Sunday Meme
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : October 25th, 2009 at 9:27 PM
You won’t lose me!
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Visiting from Saturday Evening Post. Enjoyed this post very much!!
Lucy´s last blog ..The Saturday Evening Blog Post, October
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 7:07 PM
Hi Lucy!
Thanks for visiting!
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@HipMom on twitter.
said:
LOL
#3 has to be the best “I’m a klutz” story I have read in a while.
I just found your blog, but it looks like I am hooked now
[Reply]
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