The Sun Is Shining
I have to admit that my favorite part of the day is the part where everyone in the house is asleep and there is nothing but….silence. I’ll sit here with a coffee and some fav snack. No ‘gotta do’s’ ahead of me. I sit and think, because who has time for that during the day without a clock?
It’s amazing the effect one person can have on your day. Even if it’s only from hearing their name. It’s amazing that one person can fill hours of your thoughts when given the time.
9/11 for most Americans is destined to become something they are reminded to remember every year. On…..yes……9/11. Maybe not our kids. Maybe our grand-kids or their kids? Like D-day, which occurred in 1944. (Do you know what D-Day is or when it is?)
On the morning 9/11/2001 I was sitting at my desk. Happy. Laundry going. My 21 month old son content near me, playing with toys and watching Teletubbies. The only plans for the day was meeting up with a playgroup. And then everything changed.
Loss. All around.
Where are your loved ones? Where are your friends?
I live very close to the city. Ten people in my town lost their lives that day.
I was lucky enough to not have lost any family. A good friend of mine was not so lucky though. She lost her husband.
I stayed with her on the night of 9/13. Maybe even the next night also. It’s a blur. Took care of her little ones so she could sleep. She still had not received official word of her husband’s death. To her, he was still just ‘missing’. She spent countless hours trying to find him in some way. Message boards, phone calls. Nothing. Awful.
She was stoic, but yet kind of like Bambi. Fear and naivety just seemed to seep out of her.
The weeks after that were more blurs. A memorial for her husband, which 9 years later, is STILL burned in my brain. The Bagpipes playing Amazing Grace forever associated with his death.
She remarried very shortly after her husband’s death. A million changes. So fast. Always smiling. Always busy and partying. Something didn’t feel right. I can’t explain it. She was surrounding herself with bad things. Fast decisions. She never seemed distraught. Numbland maybe?
I remember wanting to hug her and shake her or smack her. Wake her up, ya know?
And then she just kind of……slid away. Like somone sucked her into some vortex. Gone. MIA.
I would think about her often. Is she okay? Is she still so lost? Is she happy? Where is she? How are her children? What became of her?
My husband ran into her yesterday. It’s the first time either one of us has seen or talked to her in over 7 years. The two of them ended up getting a cup of coffee and talking for awhile.
I was so……..taken back when he told me about her. I still am. He told me that she moved to a southern state and was here visiting her parents through tomorrow. That she struggled terribly during those ‘vortex’ years. Still has struggles, but is at least in a more peaceful healthy state of mind.
I won’t elaborate on her struggles as they aren’t mine to tell. But she is happy now. She’s got a wonderful life. She was very much the person of pre 9/11 seasoned with some wisdom and some glow. And she gave my husband her number and email to pass along.
I didn’t call her. I didn’t want her to “have to talk to me” out of politeness. Instead I wrote her a very short and hug filled email, with my phone number.
Yes, I would love to hear from her. I really would. But honestly, I would not feel the least bit hurt if she didn’t contact me back. She’s happy. At peace with her life and facing in a forward direction. It’s okay if she wants to keep looking forward.
I love her. She knows it. It makes me smile to know she is happy, well and that the sun is shining down on her.