Until this week.

It’s this incident that got me to   CHILL   out and wake up the humor in me:

I bought a dress for a Bat Mitzvah I was invited to. This dress has been hanging on the back of my bedroom door for two months because I can NOT find shoes for it. People have gone through their closets for me, they’ve gone shopping for me. I have scoured every website on the planet and have found nothing. (Nothing that is because I refuse to spend $225 for a shoe I will wear once.) You have no clue what a saga this dress/shoe thing has been for me.

Today, finally a friend of a friend overheard my (ridiculous) shoe problem. SHE had the perfect shoe. Completely, totally perfect. I looked at them and just KNEW they were perfect. Brought the shoes home. Put the shoes down on the floor of my bedroom, took the dress out of the garment bag and put it on. Bent down to get the shoes and one was gone.

And this is my favorite part. The part that still makes me laugh……..

The lost shoe? It was taken by a four legged thief who chewed up the heel.  Left it rendered unwearable. Unrepairable. The day before I need to wear it. (Which is tomorrow, by the way.)

Seriously? A two month mission for shoes should have been the first clue that I needed to lighten the F up.  Who CARES what I wear to this thing?

And FYI, I’m not a crappy friend. I was able to find the same (discontinued) shoe on EBay to replace my dog’s chew toy. New in box, It’s currently on it’s way to me and headed right into the friend of a friend’s closet….. 

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2. I kinda sorta manipulated my son into wanting a Shih Tzu. Thankfully his best friend has one too, so it wasn’t too “uncool” of a dog.  I just really did want a cute fur ball. I could, however, do without my husband comparing me to Paris Hilton.

3. My favorite show is “Say Yes to the Dress” on TLC. 

4. I have 24 pairs of black shoes, and this doesn’t include boots or flip-flops. Or sneakers.

5. I didn’t “win”  the laptop my son uses from a “Give Away”. I used my super secret stash to buy it last Christmas because it was annoying me that he was constantly using MINE.

6. I carefully and secretly throw out my husband’s tee shirts and shorts when they get too grubby.  When he goes looking for one, I suggest that maybe he left it at the gym when he changed for work.

7. I think my son is cuter, smarter, more athletic and more amazing than everyone else’s. But something tells me that every mom thinks this way.

8.  My sister and I have almost no relationship. It’s sad, but true. It’s not for lack of trying I’ll have you know.

9.  Sometimes I sleep in the guest room downstairs.  The snoring can get too unbearable.

10. I often blow off one particular girlfriend of mine. It stresses me out too much to do things alone with her. For one, all she talks about and complains about are her kids. Secondly, she is ALWAYS late for everything.  Always. To the point of out right inconsideration.  I’ve pigeon holed her into just hanging out as families or large groups of people.

Got any closet items of your own?

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• Reading my work email
• Answering my work phone
• Waking up at 6 AM (this is one I don’t even believe I’ll be able to do.)
• Doing favors for anyone
• Doing any HSO, Football or other volunteer work

I will be:

• Taking a shower like a human and and actually dry my hair, completely.
• Enjoying a leisurely cup of morning coffee.
• Hitting Loehmanns and Lord & Taylor (especially the shoe department)
• Getting a pedicure
• Having a nice dinner with my husband and DEFINATELY, ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, get lucky. 

I hope you have a great Thursday!

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My diary is going to have a few empty pages this weekend.

I’m off for a Girl’s Weekend to (hopefully) sunny South Beach!

A few thoughts before I leave:

1. I can’t pack to save my life.  And I’m supposed to stuff all my things in a carry on suitcase?  I just can’t edit clothing that well. Or shoes.

2. Stuffed carry on? Does this mean I can’t buy anything when I am down there? Edit suitcase, edit suitase.

3.  I will NOT have more than 2 of those Dirty Blue-Cheese-Stuffed Martini’s  on any given night.  I’m a light weight when it comes to drinking.  It can get ugly.  (As in…….one step short of dancing on tables, and that’s only because I’m afraid of heights.) However, I am not a light weight when it comes to Prime One Twelve’s Mac & Cheese.  Completely amazing.

4.  Who wants to bet I get at least one phone call asking where something is, before the first day is over?

5.  I’m pretty sure that my household co-residents will be scrambling to straighten up about an hour before I get home. Two “men” on their own is not conducive to cleanliness.

6. I always have a hard time letting myself get away for a few days.  It’s so stressful to make sure that all my loose ends with work are wrapped and tied with a bow.  I stress that things won’t go right  or that I’ll miss something important happening  here at home.  It takes me one solid day of vacation before I can finally chill out and realize…..the world won’t fall apart without me managing it.

Get this one……

I just saw an article showing a future idea for budget ariline seating:

Seriously, this better be for flights under 20 minutes long. Can you imagine sitting on that thing for hours? Or when you’re stuck on the runway?  It looks to me as if the seats with tables would be business class and the center seats would be cattle call coach class. Call me prejudice, but I am thinking it was a  male who came up with this gem.  One that likes traveling without kids and their wives’ overstuffed carry-ons. Next bright idea.

Have a TERRIFIC weekend!!!

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I was told today that 75% of all women will spend money each month on shoes.  This stat only shocks men. In fact if you ask a woman: “What do 75% of women spend money on each month?” The 75%-er women will answer it correctly.  I did.  Of course it was a man that pointed this statistic out to me.

Which leaves me to wonder why I have to travel about 12 miles for a decent shoe store.  If I didn’t dislike being in retail so much, I would open the perfect shoe store locally. The thought of working evenings and weekends though is a killer. 

My Newest Addition

I have 3 pairs of black boots, 2 pairs of brown boots,  2 pairs of black pumps (one patent, one leather),  a pewter pair, a snakeskin pair,  aproximately 6 pairs of flip flops, 4 black sandals, 2 brown, 1 camel, 1 silver, 1 ivory, 3 pairs of sneakers, a pair of cowboy boots from 1986 that I bought in Dallas (havent’ worn it in about 15 years, but they still fit and they are classic), 2 pairs of gladiators,  2 pairs of ugg boots, 1 pair of ugg slip ons plus 3 pairs of shoes that are gorgeous but really have no place in my life.  I am sure I have more, but this is what comes to mind  as I sit here and type.

In addition I have the shoes that mark my son’s life.  His first pair of baby shoes, his first pair of Adidas sneakers, a pair of cowboy boots from when he dressed up as “Woody” from Toy Story on his 3rd Halloween and his first pair of “dress shoes”.

My husband on the other hand…..has 5 pairs of shoes in total.  One pair of sneakers, one pair of  light brown casual shoes,  one pair of black dress shoes,  an extremely ugly pair of sandals that I hide every chance I get. And lastly a pair of brown corduroy slippers that have been used as a chew toy by our newest addtion…….our puppy.

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