The parents from our town all congregated on tiny bleachers to talk and watch. It’s really a lot of fun.

Just before the game the coaches and the players on our team warm up on the field and talk about..whatever it is they talk about. The announcer from the home team announces over the PA system that they need our town’s team roster for the game.

I’m watching. None of the coaches move. They just keep on doing what they are doing.

A few minutes pass and the announcer again asks for the team roster. Nothing. I’m thinking at this point that maybe I should go grab the roster and bring it over to the booth.

Yes, a few minutes pass again and the announcer asks for it yet one more time. But this time he’s annoyed.  Our head coach waves at him. (Read: “You’ll get it, I’m busy.”)

I say to the people I am sitting with “Well, I’m glad to see it’s a guy thing and not just my husband. Why don’t men acknowledge they heard you the first time around?” And I’m thinking, I wonder if the announcer responds to HIS wife the first time she asks something?

Why don’t they respond the first time around? Seriously, even a head nod or shake would suffice. I just don’t get it. But it does make me feel a little better to know that it’s not just MY husband that has selective hearing.

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Number 1 (literally)

Number 2 (literally)

I think my 9 year old son’s potty humor has rubbed off on me.

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I don’t want you to get me wrong. I’m not a male basher. I love that there are men in this world!!! They have their uses (insert a laugh here). Seriously, I do love men. There is nothing like a strong set of shoulders and arms wrapped around you. And there is nothing better looking than a fit man in a great navy suit and tie. Or the soapy cologne scent on them, when you get really close.  I’m in the midst of my sexual prime…..I need them!!   (If anyone knows George Clooney, send him my blog link.)

For awhile there, I thought it was just *my* husband, but I’ve come to realize that I hear some of the same things from my married girlfriends, my single girlfriends and my own mother.  At least I am in good company.

What is it about testosterone that breeds these faults flaws defects differences?

• They can’t seem to follow anything through to completion. Example…my husband “does” the laundry, yet it never gets past the folding process. There are folded towels on the sofa in the family room. Matched and unmatched socks on the living room coffee table. Piles of stuff are just everywhere. And he’d live that way too if I finally didn’t break down and put it all away. My jeans still in the basket, a wrinkled mess.
• Everything is about them. A girlfriend of mine was in labor for 15 hours. When her husband called to say she gave birth, I asked how it went. All he could talk about was how exhausted HE was. Did he push out this child or have people poking and proding at him? I’m thinking that’s a…no.
• NO patience. When they want something…they want it now. When YOU want something….it can wait until either:

They also want it

You do it yourself

Their Discovery Channel show is over

You forget what it was you wanted

• The Stupids.  Most men have lived on their own for some part of their lives, yet they forget how to do things and where to get things the second they have a female around. I had to travel for business for a couple of days. I come home and discover that a good omlette pan of mine has bitten the dust. Why? The man forgot to melt butter in it before cooking the omlette. I KNOW he could cook before I met him.  He lived off of omlettes when he was single.
• Hygiene.  Why must I see him in the same grey tee shirt and navy adidas shorts every single day?? (I think this is why he does the laundry, ’cause he knows if I do it, this outfit will be put out with Tuesday’s trash.)  And why do things keep getting worn even when there are holes in very key places?  Seriously.
• Multi-tasking.  Not an available option with this gender.  But multi-channel watching is.  This confuses me greatly. 
• Compatibility.  How come if they leave the house with the kids for more than twenty minutes, you receive at least one phone call or text.?And why is it that someone is going to come back home, either crying or angry?

Okay….it’s out there and off my chest. I’m done with it and moving on!

And…OOPS…..I did do a little bashing there…..

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I was told today that 75% of all women will spend money each month on shoes.  This stat only shocks men. In fact if you ask a woman: “What do 75% of women spend money on each month?” The 75%-er women will answer it correctly.  I did.  Of course it was a man that pointed this statistic out to me.

Which leaves me to wonder why I have to travel about 12 miles for a decent shoe store.  If I didn’t dislike being in retail so much, I would open the perfect shoe store locally. The thought of working evenings and weekends though is a killer. 

My Newest Addition

I have 3 pairs of black boots, 2 pairs of brown boots,  2 pairs of black pumps (one patent, one leather),  a pewter pair, a snakeskin pair,  aproximately 6 pairs of flip flops, 4 black sandals, 2 brown, 1 camel, 1 silver, 1 ivory, 3 pairs of sneakers, a pair of cowboy boots from 1986 that I bought in Dallas (havent’ worn it in about 15 years, but they still fit and they are classic), 2 pairs of gladiators,  2 pairs of ugg boots, 1 pair of ugg slip ons plus 3 pairs of shoes that are gorgeous but really have no place in my life.  I am sure I have more, but this is what comes to mind  as I sit here and type.

In addition I have the shoes that mark my son’s life.  His first pair of baby shoes, his first pair of Adidas sneakers, a pair of cowboy boots from when he dressed up as “Woody” from Toy Story on his 3rd Halloween and his first pair of “dress shoes”.

My husband on the other hand…..has 5 pairs of shoes in total.  One pair of sneakers, one pair of  light brown casual shoes,  one pair of black dress shoes,  an extremely ugly pair of sandals that I hide every chance I get. And lastly a pair of brown corduroy slippers that have been used as a chew toy by our newest addtion…….our puppy.

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