One Shot to Get It Right
I was recently asked by a marketing company a very intriguing question:
How do you keep the lines of communication open with your children?
Of course there was a product behind this question. A cellular phone.
My son is 9 years old. He’s got a cell phone, but very little interest in it right now. It’s only interesting to him when I am out of “Hey Mom” range or when he wants to find out what time I will be home.
It didn’t take me long to spew an answer, because as a parent I’ve mulled the topic of communication over since the day he was born. And it’s got nothing at all to do with cellular phones.
I only have one child. One shot to get it right. I live my life by keeping the lines of communication open with him. I’m his mom and I never shun him for anything he says to me, although I might point out that certain topics (the fact that certain parts of his body, uh, get “stiff” sometimes.) should not be talked about in public. It’s my hope too, that I am also teaching him something about intimacy and confiding in people that you love.
To me…..keeping the lines of communication begins with pure and simple…..talking.
Remember though, he is 9. His attention span lasts about 20 minutes and if it’s not in a game form it’s of no interest at all to him. So at 9, I’ve made a game out of it. Each night, at bed time, I ask him a bunch of questions. Sometimes I’ll slant them so that I can get him to talk about something that might have happened that day. They vary all the time, but you’ll get the point for the most part…
- What was the most fun thing about today?
- What was the most boring thing about today?
- What was the person you were happiest to see today?
- What was the worst part of the day?
- What are you excited about for tomorrow?
- What are you not looking forward to about tomorrow?
- What was the best thing you ate today?
Simple basic talking..almost a game, but it keeps me in touch with him and what is going on in his sweet little head. It leads to discussions with out it ever feeling like a “sit down”. It’s my hopes that talking this way NOW will keep it easier for him to tell me ANYTHING as he grows into the tough teens and confusing adult years. My fingers are crossed.
@trinmom on twitter.
said:
That’s a big fear of mine – that they’ll stop talking to me when they get to the turbulent teens. I try to make home a welcoming place where they’ll always want to bring their friends.
.-= Mom of Three´s last blog ..Monday’s Muse – Something about a child’s love =-.
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : August 31st, 2009 at 3:53 PM
I am so paranoid about the teen years. Especially when it comes to drugs. I see how big a problem it is with friends and their teens…
[Reply]
My kids seem to be at there chattiest right after school. I grab that moment when ever I can. I agree asking questions is the only way to keep those lines open!
.-= Modernmom´s last blog ..Men Can’t Cuddle =-.
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That’s awesome. You’re doing a great job. I cannot tell you enough how important that is. Good job, Mom!
.-= faemom´s last blog ..Pink lines =-.
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That’s such a great way to go about keeping the communication open. Sometimes I take for grated how willing my daughter is to talk, but that seems like a great idea to get started on now so when/if she clams up we’ll already have something established. Thanks!
.-= ck´s last blog ..jobs I’m now qualified for =-.
[Reply]
It is sooooooooooo important. I only speak from my experience. I have my older boys (16 and 18) who come to me with even some TMI conversations that I kinda cringe, but don’t let on, LOL.
I love that you have your random questions at night….nice comforting and reassuring talks before they fall asleep is so awesome! You are on the right path!
.-= *Michelle*´s last blog .."All things work together for GOOD" =-.
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : September 1st, 2009 at 3:44 PM
Thank you thank you!! I hope mine comes to me as a teen with TMI!
[Reply]
Something for you on my blog today!
.-= Ace´s last blog ..Ah… just what my ego needed =-.
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : September 1st, 2009 at 4:06 PM
Thank you so much!!!!
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mom in me says BRAVO!!
GOOD JOB!!
Shraddha
.-= shraddha@theselfloveproject´s last blog ..Synchronicity =-.
[Reply]
Nice job! I’ll be experiencing this next week when my son goes to pre-school. I’ll be sure to keep that line of communication going in the car ride home and at the dinner table.
.-= Theta Mom´s last blog ..Top 10 List: Reasons You Know You Are a Theta Mom =-.
[Reply]
love this — i always remember even with my girls only at 4, to not ask yes/no questions, or that’s the answer you are going to get – yes or no..so we do the same thing and cover the best and favorite and funniest parts of the day.
great advice!
[Reply]
I love that question and answer session every afternoon when I pick my daughter up from school. I find unless I ask specifics everything will be “fine” what did you do? “same” having them tell you what the best part of their day promotes them to have a best moment. Good on ya, mom!
.-= Emily´s last blog ..Am I cute when I do this? =-.
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : September 3rd, 2009 at 12:51 PM
I dread the “fine”, “yes”, “no” and “I don’t know” responses!
[Reply]
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