On Being Hit On
I read something the other day about a man who began some random chit chat with a woman. They talked for a brief while about food and the gentleman mentioned that the next time he saw her he’d like to bring her a sample of a meal he had made. She told him she was looking forward to it. He asked her if she was married and she told him that, yes, she is married. The man never did bring that meal he made.
Then she wanted to know if she, a married woman, had been hit on.
HELLO?????????? Do you really need someone to answer that for you? Or are you just wanting everyone around you to be aware of the fact that “Yes, you idiot, you were hit on”. Gasp! A married woman being hit on. I have never heard of such a thing happening before!! Scarlett woman alert! (And uh, I didn’t hear you say that you’d pass on that meal sample.)
It happens. It’s bound to. C’mon. We are not June Cleaver clones living in a kitchen all day. We have lives and we are active participants in the world. Seriously, it’s not like he kept flirting once he knew she was married. It was an honest mistake by a man with morals you can take home to mom. AND he freaking cooks!
IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: I do not advocate flirting, perpetuating flirting, pursuing flirting nor acting on flirting. Got that?
Thank you.
I have a male friend that I have known for about 10 years now. Haven’t seen him in years but we talk on the phone every few months. His wife is older than I am and I remember him saying that once his wife turned 40 it seemed like he noticed more and more men take notice of her. It was cute to me because it was like he was bragging. And how great is it to hear a married man brag about his wife that way after 15 years of marriage?
Something happens to a woman once she hits the age of 40. It’s true and not just something we say to make ourselves feel “worthy”. We become a fine aging wine. Our wisdom and self-confidence really come together. The stupid body image issues vanish. The insecurities wane. It shows on our faces and in the way we carry ourselves. We like ourselves. And so, people take notice.
I’m over 40, I’m married and I have been hit on. More now, than I did back in my 20′s or 30′s. It doesn’t happen often, believe me, but when it does it reminds me that I’m a female. A woman. I walk away with a little smile inside. And then I go about my life. Why? Because once again:
IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: I do not advocate flirting, perpetuating flirting, pursuing flirting nor acting on flirting. Got that?
Thank you.
So yes “Mrs. Obtuse”, you were hit on. Hold your wedding ring up over your face, every time a male crosses your path. Hopefully you won’t get so freaked out again. And fess up. You were flattered by it.
Now wait, I was a little like her when it happened to me. We only see ourselves as “mommy” most days, so when someone does flirt with you your brain doesn’t register it as a flirt until days later!
I had a male teacher (co-worker) who started eating lunch the same time I did and sometimes found a reason to pop his head into my class-we shared a lab room. I mentioned one of his impromptu visits to my husband one evening and was surprised when my husband said something like, “What does he think he’s doing flirting with a married woman?” Wow, I didn’t think of it like that and started avoiding this teacher like the plague. He stopped me in the hall one day to ask why I had been avoiding him, and I rushed off saying I had been pretty busy. This ended the surprise visits and he started eating lunch with some of his male co-workers. He took a job with another school district a year ago-phew, no more awkward moments.
susan´s last blog ..Organization is the Key
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 7:57 PM
It’s an awful feeling when it goes beyond just the initial flirt. It’s like….How do I handle this? I get very aloof and uncomfy with it.
[Reply]
susan
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 9:50 PM
That kind of thing never happened to me before-I just thought we were really good “buddies.” It makes you rewind and re-examine all past conversations you have with men.
susan´s last blog ..Sunday Sage’ness
[Reply]
Kerry
Replied on : November 11th, 2009 at 3:09 PM
I am so sleep deprived that it is as much as I can do to make sure I am not wearing my two-year-olds breakfast on my clothes during the day. More power to you moms who have the energy to flirt/be on the receiving end of flirting!
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Nice post! I like to think of myself as aging like a fine wine too! And it does feel good to know that men still take notice even if we sometimes don’t want to admit it. haha.
existentialwaitress´s last blog ..Whoopsie!
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I’m afraid I’m a bit like the woman you described in your post. And it drives my husband crazy because I don’t pick up on it until much later. Personally, I think this says more about my own insecurities than anything else. I just don’t get why someone would hit on me.
Jane´s last blog ..Jane’s Own Make A Difference Saturday
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 7:59 PM
You’re obviously a wonderful woman….your husband was the one smart enough to grab you up! Didn’t he once hit on you?
[Reply]
You’ve got that right about being 40. There is something that happens that gives you a booster shot to the confidence.
DG at diaryofamadbathroom´s last blog ..From Happy Halloween to Christmas for the Crazy
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 8:01 PM
What happens when we hit 50?
[Reply]
DG at diaryofamadbathroom
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 8:05 PM
We turn to a pile of ash in the glare of our own hotness?
DG at diaryofamadbathroom´s last blog ..Well, Scrippity Scrappity, I Do Declare.
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 8:42 PM
This mean I won’t have to color my hair anymre?
[Reply]
@lalabh on twitter.
said:
Love it! Let’s clink our fine-wine-self glasses! And yes, it is flattering! Love your line about not being June Cleaver clones.
Lauren´s last blog ..Day(time) Tripper, A Tampa tribute
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 8:03 PM
Cheers!!!!!
[Reply]
@Maven on twitter.
said:
I get excited when the elderly man next door clicks his teeth at me so I’m not one to say
Maven´s last blog ..Chili Con Carne with Ground Turkey
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 8:05 PM
Haha!! As long as it makes you feel good
[Reply]
i stopped flirting longest time ago..
shraddha´s last blog ..Meta Tags for Blogspot users
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 8:09 PM
I’m not a flirter, I’ve never been comfy or developed the skill needed to be good at flirting. This was about being flirted “on” or “with”.
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You’ve hit the nail on the head, around 40 things just start to click in women. I remember the insecurities and hang ups of my 20′s and early 30′s and then near the end of my 30′s it’s like a new calm fell over me, I was an independent woman, had a great career, my own home blah blah blah. Of course, that’s when Mr Right broke down my front door and I was finally wise enough to recognize him. So here I am at the age of 48 being a stay-at-home mom to our 3 1/2 year daughter. I couldn’t be happier!
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 8:10 PM
Sounds perfect to me!!
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Its been a while because I’ve been such a homebody, but yeah, after 40 something kicks in.
Note to self: I’ve got to get out more.
Zen Mom´s last blog ..My World’s Been Rocked
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 8:14 PM
Yes! Plan a girl’s night. Or a date night!
[Reply]
Very true! Happily married or not, it is nice to have someone think you are still cute~
sara@ domestically challenged´s last blog ..The Bird- part 1
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 8:15 PM
Absolutely!
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I am a fine aging wine . . . I am a fine aging wine!
I like it!
Mama Zen´s last blog ..Homework At My House
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 8:15 PM
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My wife never realizes she’s been flirted with until I point it out later. And then when I think I’m being flirted with, she says I was imagining it. I still don’t know who’s right.
Joe´s last blog ..Rants and complaints, then something funny
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 8:18 PM
Very funny!! I’m sure you’re not imagining it!
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LOL!!!!! I could use a good..”Hit On”… Every once in a while it does make you feel..good..LOL!!!!! Hugs!!!
natalee´s last blog ..YOUR BENCHED!!!!
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I wish I had that self-confidence in my 40′s that you have. I do not. Not at all. There’s really no reason why I should feel bad. I’m normal looking. I just struggle with that.
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 8:24 PM
Dunno, I’ve just kind of accepted that my boobs aren’t perky and never will be, that I have laugh lines but at least they aren’t frown lines. In my 20′s I had no self confidence, but once I moved into my late 30′s I just started feeling more comfy with myself…
[Reply]
@submom on twitter.
said:
Dear Nancy, Thank you so much for helping me get closer to get out of this “funk” ever since I turned 40 (which was this year). I have been going through a crisis. Have to be honest with you: I always thought MEN go up in value as they age, whereas WOMEN do not. So what you said here is news to me and great news. LOL. Thanks again, hot mama!
submom´s last blog ..If you keep a “life” blog and therefore experience existential crisis on a regular basis…
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 8th, 2009 at 8:30 PM
See now, I think women carry themselves and look better as they age than men do. Look around at all that you’ve accomplished and all that you hold together. How can you not feel good about that?
This may sound silly, but I find that when I am in a funk or feeling down about myself…I put on a really pretty bra set under whatever I am wearing. Even if it’s mommy jeans and a t-shirt. There’s something about wearing this that boosts my entire mood. And no one knows about it but me. (And possibly my husband, or the other women in the Loehmann’s fitting room.)
[Reply]
I have been hit on many times as a married lady! Ha I got married when I was 22 so it was more of a surprise to guys that I was married! But hey I am married and yes I have to kids but it is nice to be recognized sometimes as one hot mama! Ha! Great post!
[Reply]
@trinmom on twitter.
said:
I think confidence is the best thing you can wear. And I think that’s the real reason behind – “I found him just when I wasn’t looking any more.”
Mom of Three´s last blog ..So much to tell you!
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hey nancy. oh how i have missed you. i think you are overestimating some of us when you state that we are active participants in the outside world. i am lucky if i even have a chance to eaves drop on the outside world much less participate or be hit on.
as for the affirmation that we too thrive with age, i concur. the reality though, is that only the more highly evolved recognize this to be true. while aging men are appreciated across the board by the wise and the ignorant.
for those with reduced self esteem(a-hem), apparently we remain affected by the opinions of the ignorant
your married friend reminds me of the type who would wear a low-cut shirt with noticeably large boobies and then act giddy and surpirsed to find that people are looking “there”
magda´s last blog ..i miss you
[Reply]
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