I have no clue what got me on this path.
Tuesday, I didn’t want to golf and I canceled. Good move. I haven’t sat outside one night this week, yet. Until tonight. I have been stuck in work mode. I have been watching too much news and that is getting me cranky. Just couldn’t really get into my happy place mindset, all week. Dunno why. Then the dentist convo came up here and that dug me deeper into it.
Woke up today and didn’t want to golf, either. But I went anyway. Don’t really want to golf on Saturday, and I said so to the group…..but no text or acknowledge that from you know who. HOWEVER…….I can’t even know if I have any texts at all, because my iPhone is stuck in a boot loop and I can’t access a single solitary thing.
Let me also explain another thread into why I am in the shitty day state of being.
Monday night, I sit and listen to how Kelly the decorator god said these great suggestions and almost each of them was something I had already said. It was like wtf??? Do you not hear me? That sucked. I hear no and she hears…great idea? Or I like that? Sniff 🙁 Add to that, that he got annoyed by something from the permit process and it was not the least bit fun. Yet, I didn’t bitch about that. Nor do I bitch when his face is in his phone. I TRUST that if he’s answering and all else is fine that HE NEEDS to handle it. Life can’t stop because you are golfing 12+ prime time hours a week.
So keep all of this in mind, while I try to figure out why it is my day was shitty:
- I really wasn’t into going golfing in the first place.
- I was annoyed by the Kelly shit.
- I was annoyed by his bullshit from the Sunday on how he had to be home for Nick when in truth he was at his bar buds house having dinner. And goes ahead to describe it as ‘dinner with friends’. That vague shit. WTF? Plus it reminds me what a liar he is.
- Why is it okay to have your face in the phone when you have “house shit” to handle, but you have no understanding that not only do I have my own personal stuff but I have an actual growing business to run and I can not VANISH for 10+ prime time hours a week.
- Whipping around a golf course at full speed is NOT relaxing to me. It’s fucking annoying to be tossed around a golf cart like a rag doll. You want me chill? THAT is not chill inducive. Notice how chill I was on Sunday when I was driving the cart?
- Give it a whack, jack/give it a rip, chip…….is annoying as fuck.
- My fckn iPhone is spazzing out on me today. I’m sitting here trying to raise it from the dead. Not working, but if the stars align for me tomorrow…….my new one should arrive.
- I’m stressed about the dentist and a bunch of other things
So all of this leads to why today was a craptastic day for me, that I couldn’t shake. And maybe I could have handled it better, but in all reality……if he is so sensitive to taking advice from other people, why isn’t he sensitive in return? He uses D as an exuse, but I should be okay with telling P that he helps me with anything? If he is so sensitive to me on my iphone, why is he insensitive to his own use AND while driving sometimes, too?
So hear I sit finally take some peace for myself and I have potential for a peaceful day tomorrow. To heal my brain a bit.
I can’t get caught up in his shit again. I just can’t. I got a taste of living my life, my way, without outside craziness infecting me.
Maybe my dead iPhone tonight is reminding me about the peace I need in my life?