Don’t Pick Me for a Friend
19 November 2009
43 Comments
Ugh, I feel so awful.
A friend of mine called me to talk. She’s going through a really hard time in her marriage and she was upset about something. The problem is that I really wasn’t hearing her. I mean I heard her words but I wasn’t picking up on what she needed from me. My head was busy with my own things, and so I gave her a “it’ll be okay” kind of response. Then the conversation was over.
Now I sit here and it hits me, she wanted to really vent about the problem. She wanted me to boost her confidence a little bit. I completely suck as a friend.
So I called her back about 5 minutes later and she’s not picking up the phone.
I feel so terrible. I’m so obtuse sometimes.
Keep trying. And don’t be hard on yourself. The mere fact that you recognize your mis-step says so much about you. Sending hugs to you and your friend.
Jane´s last blog ..Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor – But Then What?
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 22nd, 2009 at 12:17 PM
Well, it took her two days to finally speak to me. I feel so bad, she’s going through such a tough time. Told her I realized that since I was in the middle of something, I should have told her I would call her back instead of brushing her off the way I did.
Thanks for the hugs!
[Reply]
Aww, don’t beat yourself up! We’ve all done that, but the great thing is that you caught yourself and you tried to fix it. Try giving her a call later on this evening. She’ll love you all the more for it.
Kate
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 22nd, 2009 at 12:20 PM
Thanks for the kind words. She did pick up…..two days later! Live and learn, I guess
[Reply]
@38traci on twitter.
said:
Don’t beat yourself down. You are only human and we all carry our own burdens. The fact that you stopped and made the effort to seek her out shows what a good friend you are. I’ve enjoyed your blog and you seem like such a great person so I’m sure that all will be well.
[Reply]
Awwww, try not to beat yourself up too much. We all have those days, unfortunatley!
[Reply]
Ditto on all of the above. Sometimes it’s hard to focus on others….it happens to everyone.
Lee the Hot Flash Queen´s last blog ..My Three Weddings
[Reply]
There’s not one of us who hasn’t had a moment when we couldn’t have been more present. At least you recognized it and are trying to fix it.
blueviolet´s last blog ..Teenage Epiphany
[Reply]
Hey, it happens to the best of us. Everyone has done that to a friend at one point or another… what makes you stand out from most other people, though, is that you see you made a mistake and you are trying to fix it. Kudos to you for that!
-Jen
NathanRising´s last blog ..The Curious Case of the Malfuntioning Body Wash
[Reply]
@thinkspin on twitter.
said:
Nancy,
Just hearing your voice at the moment probably helped her. You let her vent, which is what she needed to do. Maybe it wasn’t the time for her to listen to any advice. Sounds like she still needed to get stuff out. The fact that you were concerned enough to call her back proves that you’re a great friend.
Lauren´s last blog ..APB out on missing muse!
[Reply]
Don’t be too hard on yourself! You really don’t know for sure what she was getting at. Giver her a day then call back to see if she needs to vent anymore…
susan´s last blog ..Tunes for Tuesday
[Reply]
We’ve all been there at one time or another..on both sides of the call. Praying that things will be resolved.
CorrieHowe´s last blog ..Lot’s of Love
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 22nd, 2009 at 5:24 PM
Thanks for your prayers
Very kind of you. She’s talking to me now..just took a couple of days for her to pick the phone up!
[Reply]
I have done the same before. You realize it and will fix it, and that goes a long way. You are a good friend.
sara@ domestically challenged´s last blog ..Top Ten Thursday..with a prize!
[Reply]
keep trying to call…at a time when you can give her undivided attention. you’re a good friend.
[Reply]
Try sending her a card. Cards are always a welcome thing and she will appreciate the extra thought it took. It will show that you really do realize why she’s upset. *hugs* We all make mistakes and friends forgive each other.
JosiahsMommy´s last blog ..Why I’m Awake at 4am
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 22nd, 2009 at 5:30 PM
Thanks for your advice! I finally did speak to her and made plans to go out for coffee tomorrow
[Reply]
Keep trying to get in contact with her. We have all been on both sides of this. Surely she will understand.
kys´s last blog ..Held Hostage In My Bathroom
[Reply]
@submom on twitter.
said:
Maybe she was talking to another friend on the phone? Did you finally get to talk to her? I know what you meant though: sometimes the phone calls come at an inopportune time and I get distracted. Of course I then feel guilty afterwards.
submom´s last blog ..To Hell with keeping my mouth shut and ignoring the crazies and the ignorant…
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 22nd, 2009 at 5:33 PM
Finally spoke to her and all is well. NExt time I’ll tell her I will call her back when I can really give her undivided attention instead of faking like I am listning.
[Reply]
@hrtsmakefamily on twitter.
said:
Don’t beat yourself up over it. Sometimes its hard to give your total focus. It happens to us all and I’m sure she knows that you didn’t do it deliberately. Maybe she was talking to someone else.
Tami´s last blog ..Saint Nicholas
[Reply]
{{{hugs}}} and don’t beat yourself up, guess what? You have today!
That is what is so awesome…….God gives us a new day, a clean slate……everyday.
ps. you know I totally LOVE that photo!
*Michelle*´s last blog ..Variety is the Spice of Life
[Reply]
Oh, no… well, I have done that, as well… sometimes I’m like, ‘not all there’, barely listening, nodding, saying ‘yes, yes, yes’, all the while I know I’m not totally focused or paying attention, you know? Well, I’m sure she will forgive you… keep calling her! Tell her you’re sorry and maybe you can go out for coffee with her so you guys can talk in private? I find that I CANNOT have phone conversations at home with anyone when the kids are around!
Loukia´s last blog ..Time for a meme!
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 22nd, 2009 at 5:36 PM
Yup, it’s so hard to talk when you’re at home. I made plans to have coffee with her so that she gets undivided attention!
[Reply]
i agree with all the above (and I love the pic!).
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 22nd, 2009 at 5:37 PM
The picture made me laugh. And hello there! Haven’t seen you “here” in awhile!
[Reply]
Don’t beat yourself up about it…She’s a friend and she’ll come around!
[Reply]
@fromtracie on twitter.
said:
Hopefully she will answer her phone today…..I’m sure you will be able to provide her with that listening ear she is looking for…..
On a separate subject, that picture! ROFL!
Tracie´s last blog ..-The Promised Story
[Reply]
Ughhhh Nancy what a terrible feeling! And no matter what is said here, you probably won’t feel better until you make it better with her.
You’re a good friend and you’ll keep trying. You know how I know? ‘Cause a bad friend would have never realized that she made a mistake let alone sweat over fixing it
xoxoxooxMelyssa
mrsblogalot´s last blog ..Obsession thy name is Edward!!!
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 22nd, 2009 at 5:48 PM
Thanks Melyssa! That made me smile!
xoxoxo
[Reply]
Um, we all have moments like this….were you the greatest friend evah on this one…eh, probably not, but we can’t be on top of our games ALL the time. Sometimes, we have our own crap bogging us down, and just don’t have it to give. Don’t beat yourself up, send her a nice “thinking of you card” since she won’t answer her phone…and be better the next time.
She’ll forgive you if she’s any kind of friend at all.
My friend steph is like this to me on occasion, i’ll have some emotional crisis, and I can literally hear her emotionally micromanaging me. She’s a business woman, I come to expect this out of her, and while sometimes, she’s the most caring compassionate person in the world and there for me 110%, the woman has three kids, a husband, a household, a full time job that drives her bonkers a mortgage, dance, gymnastics, recitals…
you see where i’m going with this…?
you aren’t a bad friend, you’re human.
*big hugs*
~hl~
{www.hoscorners.blogspot.com}
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 22nd, 2009 at 5:51 PM
Yup, I see where you are going with this. And thank you so much for telling me your story!
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 22nd, 2009 at 5:51 PM
And PS, I can’t seem to get to your blog?!?
[Reply]
HeatherLynn
Replied on : November 22nd, 2009 at 7:44 PM
http://www.hoscorners.blogspot.com
maybe I typed the address wrong or something…
here, try again!
~hl~
[Reply]
It will be OK. No, really. No platitudes here.
I find that when I have a moment like you described, I usually beat myself up ten times worse than my friend ever would.
She probably didn’t even notice. And if she did, she’ll understand. That’s why she’s your friend.
Zen Mom´s last blog ..Moms Not Allowed
[Reply]
@mommywords on twitter.
said:
Nancy this has happened to me recently and I know it feels so bad! I apologized to my friend the next time we talked and let her know I really was there for her. Oh and that she could wring my neck if she wanted. And that if I ever sounded like I was nodding absently in the future she could feel free to start yelling at me into the phone! Made her laugh and of course I also let her know I loved her!
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 22nd, 2009 at 6:41 PM
Thanks Brittany! I pretty much did what you suggested and she understood (once I actually spoke to her, that is!)
[Reply]
@trinmom on twitter.
said:
Ohhhh… that’s unfortunate… but it happens. You’re not such a bad friend if you tried to reach her as soon as you’d had time to focus and realized. But if she’s not answering her phone she’s probably feeling really lonely now. She’ll understand deep down of course, but you have to reach her, either by phone or in person, to reassure her that it was just a bad time for you to focus. (I know you know all this, but sometimes it’s good to hear it said back!)
Love to you and your friend…
Mom of Three´s last blog ..Flashback Friday -
[Reply]
Awww Darlin.. I’m with everyone else on this one, don’t be too hard on yourself. I’ve done it, we’ve all done it, i’m sure. In fact, funny enough, I did it to my BFF just last week. I beat myself up about it, and she too didn’t really notice. She just figured I was having a bad day… that’s the way friendship is. It’ll be fine.
The fact that you even recognize that your friend needed you, is what makes you a truly caring friend. Hugs to you…
Michele´s last blog ..The Abyss – it’s a long way down
[Reply]
Don’t feel bad…we all have times like that. If she a true friend she’ll forgive you.
I remember one time my girlfriend called and was pouring her heart out to me on the phone. I was multi-tasking and washing dishes. During a brief lull in the conversation she stopped and asked, “Are you doing the dishes while I’m talking to you about this?!” Ooops…I had no idea it was a sit down and do nothing conversation.
[Reply]
Nancy
@ifevolution on twitter.
Replied on : November 22nd, 2009 at 7:21 PM
Yup, that’s what this one was like. Makes you feel crummy, huh?
[Reply]
Give yourself a break. At least you noticed after the fact. Some people would never even notice.
Unknown Mami´s last blog ..10 Things, 5 Things, and Two Blogs I Love
[Reply]
@CouponClippin on twitter.
said:
I feel that way sometimes too. I’m following from MBC. I hope you will check out my blog when you get a chance.
Stephanie´s last blog ..Black Friday Plan of Attack
[Reply]
Leave your comment below.
More parenting videos on JuiceBoxJungle
Direct to Your Mailbox
Have You Visited?
Friends
And So They Say....
Communities
Blogs I Enjoy
Apple iPhone 3G Just $99 from AT&T. Click for more information....
Most Commented
Grab (Watch Your Hands!!)