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Dear Husband,

11 February 2010 31 Comments

Dear Husband,

It is with a smile that I ask the following of you, now that you are back home from your 3 week trip. You were missed, however there are some things I would like to ask of you now that you have returned. 

Please…………..

  1. Do not touch the laundry. Ever.  Don’t even move it from the washer to the drier. Don’t fold it. Don’t look at it. Nothing. You never put any of it away, so I will leave that side of it out.
  2. Do not unload the dishwasher unless you are going to put EVERYTHING away.  Leaving the utensil bin on the counter completely full and the pots and pans on the island does not count for being “put away”.  If you can’t do it all, don’t even bother.
  3. The sink is NOT the garbage can. There is no reason to leave ice cream wrappers in the sink.  Go for burning the extra 2 calories by bending slightly at the waist and placing in in the garbage can located directly UNDER that sink.
  4. Shovel the fronts stairs when it snows.  Just because you enter through the garage doesn’t mean the rest of the world should fall on their ass because the front stairs are slippery.
  5. Do not pick out our son’s clothing.  I buy him pretty safely colored clothing and how you could possibly come up with the rare selection that doesn’t match is beyond me.  Royal Blue pants paired with an orange tee shirt is a big fat NO.  There is no reason for him to look like a homeless child. He will just get picked on.  I ask you to abide by this for the sake of your son’s social welfare.
  6. Decorative pillows are not foot rests. That’s what the ottoman is for. Perhaps if you took the slippers and tv remotes out of the magazine rack and put the newspapers from the ottoman in them instead, then everything could be used in the way they were intended to be used.
  7. It’s fine that you like the cookies I buy, however could you not leave the empty bag in the pantry? That’s just plain inconsiderate. I could have replaced them had I known there were none left. Now I am left with my tea and…….nothing.
  8. I’m sorry you can’t sleep sometimes. I know it stinks to be up at 4:30 am and not be able to fall back asleep.  However why does everyone else have to get up too? Can’t you close the bedroom doors before you turn on lights in the other rooms? Can’t you just take a few ice cubes directly from the freezer rather than using the (loud) automatic ice dispenser?

Anyway…welcome home. We are glad you are back.

PS:  When is your next trip?

Just asking

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31 Comments. Click to leave one of your own!

  • February 11 2010 at 4:05 PM amy
    @ on twitter.
     said:

    Nancy, my hubs and I just had a blow-out fight over the laundry where I told him to stay the hell out of my domain. He says if all we argue about is little things like laundry, things must be good. I say, if we fight about things like the laundry, there are some big underlying issues that we need to work out. URGH!!!!
    .-= amy´s last blog ..Cause You Love My Boobs And I Love You =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : February 14th, 2010 at 6:54 PM

    It’s a never ending battle. I’ve been nagging about these things for……16 years no!

    [Reply]

    amy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : February 15th, 2010 at 2:32 PM

    We have our 10 year anniversary in a few days and frankly, I am not in the mood.
    .-= amy´s last blog ..Cause You Love My Boobs And I Love You =-.

    [Reply]

  • February 11 2010 at 5:30 PM Michele said:

    Those were great!!!
    I love this post… it reminds me why I’m single!! LOL
    .-= Michele´s last blog ..Black Thursday =-.

    [Reply]

  • February 11 2010 at 5:30 PM kristin said:

    Hee! Amazing what we can live without while their gone :)

    Kristin
    .-= kristin´s last blog ..Yes . . . deer . . . =-.

    [Reply]

  • February 11 2010 at 5:30 PM Michele said:

    P.S. sorry it’s been so long since I dished out some comment love….

    Miss your posts terribly ;)
    .-= Michele´s last blog ..Black Thursday =-.

    [Reply]

  • February 11 2010 at 6:35 PM Lee the Hot Flash Queen said:

    Hi, my name is Lee…haven’t been around in a while..sorry!!

    How is everything with husband back? I hope you are doing okay. Thinking of you!

    Lee
    .-= Lee the Hot Flash Queen´s last blog ..It’s a Red Letter Day! =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : February 14th, 2010 at 7:05 PM

    Doing great!!! And YOU?

    [Reply]

  • February 11 2010 at 6:53 PM arizona mamma said:

    Perfect. I think you summed it up for many of us. Nicely done.
    .-= arizona mamma´s last blog ..Poor Planning on Your Part Does Not and Emergency Make on Mine =-.

    [Reply]

  • February 11 2010 at 7:02 PM Susan said:

    I told my husband he can only do his laundry but I still find either clothes in the dryer or worse, the washer… Isn’t it funny-the things that bother us that is? Good luck!
    .-= Susan´s last blog ..Change =-.

    [Reply]

  • February 11 2010 at 8:05 PM mrsblogalot said:

    LOL!

    So when’s he going away again? (-:
    .-= mrsblogalot´s last blog ..The 9 to 5 Lesbian =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : February 14th, 2010 at 7:11 PM

    I was hoping tomorrow, but seems that’s not the case. Such is life.

    [Reply]

  • February 11 2010 at 8:17 PM tiffany said:

    the husband gets up at 430 every morning and leaves the house around 515–during that time, every light is turned on, things slammed in the kitchen, front door slammed, etc. etc. so. freaking. annoying.
    .-= tiffany´s last blog ..Catheters welcome…and maybe a minivan too =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : February 14th, 2010 at 7:13 PM

    Amazing huh? Yet unload the dishwasher too loudly and they have something to say.

    [Reply]

  • February 11 2010 at 9:58 PM Brahm
    @ on twitter.
     said:

    Fun post, although I gotta admit, decorative pillows ARE footrests, dammit, I dont care what you and the rest of the world say; shoveling, granted, not optional, but the kids clothes? Homeless looking is all the rage, my friend, which is why rich skiiny waifs like Nicole Richie and the Olsen twins are now successful respected ‘designers’… bad colour mixing and emaciated homeless looking is the new black! It ain’t pretty, but it’s the truth!
    .-= Brahm´s last blog ..The bitch is back… Alexis for Alexis! =-.

    [Reply]

  • February 11 2010 at 10:06 PM That One Mom
    @ on twitter.
     said:

    My word! Sounds like you got used to running the show on your own… Good luck!
    .-= That One Mom´s last blog ..Weigh In Wednesday – Week 5 =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : February 14th, 2010 at 7:20 PM

    It’s rough going back….

    [Reply]

  • February 12 2010 at 8:57 AM maroon skye said:

    so funny :)
    .-= maroon skye´s last blog .. =-.

    [Reply]

  • February 12 2010 at 9:04 AM motpg said:

    I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who is possesive of the laundry. My husband keeps saying everyone should do their own to save me the work. He’s trying to be nice but they Just Don’t Understand the complex ballet of color,fabric, temp, load size….you get it! I tell him he can go for it but if there is towel lint stuck to his black socks that’s his problem, I don’t care how late he is running!
    .-= motpg´s last blog ..7 Nice Things About Being Married A Long Time! =-.

    [Reply]

  • February 12 2010 at 11:31 AM HeatherLynn said:

    Is this a really clever way to say “Happy Valentines Day Hubby, I love you”?
    ;)

    as a single lady, a divorced single lady, I know husbands are an absolute pain….men are oh so lovable at times too.

    It’s kinda like this, when you let a dog go to the kennel (husband on trip) they get out of the routine of being housebroken….(in hubby’s case, home broken)….it might take him some adjustment time to get back in the swing of things….so hold off rubbing his nose in his accidents for a minute….maybe he’ll remember his basic human husband function again soon!

    *crosses fingers for you*

    ~hl~
    [www.hoscorners.blogspot.com]

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : February 14th, 2010 at 7:22 PM

    Thank you for the advice and point of view. Loved it!

    [Reply]

  • February 12 2010 at 11:53 AM shortmama said:

    Thats one heck of a honey-do list!
    .-= shortmama´s last blog ..Signs, Signs, Everywhere Are Signs =-.

    [Reply]

  • February 12 2010 at 7:39 PM Zen Mom said:

    Could I send this to my hubby too? This was hysterical and so true — especially the empty cookie wrappers in the cupboard. Its the bane of my existence.

    Let me know if the letter works. If so, I am totally plagiarizing.
    .-= Zen Mom´s last blog ..Welcome to Shameless Plug Friday =-.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : February 14th, 2010 at 7:26 PM

    Feel free, though nothing has changed around here from it. Maybe you’ll have better luck!

    [Reply]

  • February 12 2010 at 10:08 PM corrie
    @ on twitter.
     said:

    I have all these issues with my teenage son, not my husband. And one day my daughter in law will be wonder why I didn’t raise him better. I’ll say, “Don’t blame me, he had an excellent role model of what a husband should be. I don’t know why he didn’t learn.”
    .-= corrie´s last blog ..Friday Round Robin – Jonathan’s Blanket =-.

    [Reply]

  • February 13 2010 at 9:04 AM submom
    @ on twitter.
     said:

    Copying and Pasting NOW! Will print out and insert in Valentine’s Day card… LOL.

    Well, probably won’t work since I don’t even plan on giving him a Valentine’s Day card…
    .-= submom´s last blog ..WTF Wednesday: The Price of Tomatoes =-.

    [Reply]

  • February 14 2010 at 12:59 PM existentialwaitress said:

    YES!!! Especially the up an 4:30 am and noisy as hell part – that just plain pisses me off!
    .-= existentialwaitress´s last blog ..A post about the most romantic gift that I’ve ever received. And nipple cream is part of it. =-.

    [Reply]

  • February 18 2010 at 8:59 PM Tami
    @ on twitter.
     said:

    I sooo understand this letter. My husband does the wake up everyone bit as well, the cookies and the laundry. And no no he is never allowed to dress our kids.

    [Reply]

  • September 20 2010 at 11:47 PM Blogger Dad/ David Wright
    @ on twitter.
     said:

    It sounds like your husband has figured out the secret – fail miserably at something long enough and your wife will take over.

    I’m only outing this tactic because if I’m stuck doing dishes even though I barely use any, then so do all the other husbands.

    [Reply]

    Nancy
    @ on twitter.


    Replied on : September 21st, 2010 at 12:00 AM

    Your comment on this old post made me laugh. Damn…I’m a whiner! Now he doesn’t touch any of these things. Damn! Damn!

    [Reply]

  • October 10 2010 at 6:42 AM Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels
    @ on twitter.
     said:

    hahahah :-D Ok, I had to laugh at this. I’m pretty sure that at leas half of these points can be written by virtually any wife on the planet ;-)

    [Reply]

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