Sixteen: New Friends

The boys are away for the weekend. I can’t begin to tell you how much I needed this time to myself. I am so thankful to have 4 days to myself.

I made the mistake of caving on Thursday night. Made a deal with the devil himself.  My end of the deal was to let go and “be” (aka: sex). His end was to let go of his bazillion rules. He’s let go of none of them.  And the very truth be told…..the sex

I am proud of myself though right now.  Today at lunch he was yapping about going to Rox’s with Paulie.  Of course, he didn’t ask what I was doing. And of course, I chimed in about coming there to end my own night. I am proud of me….because I didn’t end my night there.

Instead (a sign from the universe),  a HS friend invited me to come out for dinner and drinks.  And I went 🙂  And I had a really fun time…connecting with an eclectic group of women I had gone to HS with.  I made a couple of new “old” friends.

I’m a good person. I have a good heart. I am loving and kind. I am passionate and sensual. I have a nice life and my health.

What would I say to him right now?

The sex was good between us because we had chemistry.  The chemistry came from talking openly and honestly about everything on the planet.  And yes, you are to blame for the lack of chemistry. You took away everything there was that created that chemistry and left zippo.  My passion and sensuality and sexuality and openness and honesty hasn’t changed.  Mine was real. Yours was just an act.   I have no reason to settle for empty…anything in my life . But most of all, I have no reason to settle for a  guy that couldn’t be bothered to follow through on his words of making sure my buzzed self got home okay.  Could not be bothered to text me or sign onto make sure I got home safely.   (lest you break a rule,  not to mention that just 3 hours earlier we made a deal that inicluded  you agreeing to cut the freaking rules out.)  Just one more failed/broken close personal relationship in your life.  You are the common denominator in all of them. Disgusting you.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by an inflated sense of self-worth and the inability to empathize with others. Narcissists require constant attention, exaggerate their talents and achievements, are pretentious, manipulative and patronizing.  Their actions do not follow their words. They maintain an over the top, clown-like public persona.  They have the emotional depth of a small child. They are selfish and disregard the needs and desires of others. They will twist words, facts, and gaslight rather than be accountable.  And when all else fails, they take on the role of victim. 
I will not send any of this to him. I will not say anything to him.  I am going no contact.  I need to. I will be fine.


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